Nobody posts on Xanga anymore.

I have officially decided to stop blogging here (on Xanga). From now on, any blog I post I will just add to Facebook, and I may end up creating a catch all blog for photography and personal outlet. I was just going to close the account down completely, but I can't find the option to do that, and then I realized I may want to go back one day and reference old posts just for the heck of it.

I have a lot going on in my my head right now though. God is teaching me A LOT right now. I will likely be posting on FB soon. I'm likely just going to post some of the things I have been reading lately that have encouraged me. So, seeing as how everybody I know that still reads this is also on FB, just look for it there.

Adios, I'm a ghost.

Man, I am so ready to get out of this Texas heat for a while. I thought last year was bad, and we barely had a single day exceed 100 degrees. This year we near 100+ degrees every day. I'm ready for the cool mountain air of Colorado. So far it looks like the trip is a go, but details have yet to be worked out, which makes me a bit nervous. Hopefully details begin to work them self out soon.

Aside from longing to be on vacation I am beginning to see a lot of crap in my life hat I need to deal with. I have decided to attend Celebrate Recovery at the Village. I almost feel like I am cheating on my Church by doing that, but we are so small right now and don't offer anything this in depth to tackle deep rooted sins. There has been many things I have been clinging to for a few years now and have been pretty much too prideful to admit.

I had decided a few days before the break-up with Kristy that I was probably going to do it, but once that happened it pushed me over the edge. One thing this has helped me to see is that I don't trust God as much as I thought I did. There are so many ways a fail to trust Him and this is just one of many. I think the biggest thing I need to work on is loving others. I have been pretty selfish for a long time, and even when I was active in some way serving I never gave it my all. I really need God to transform my heart because I know I don't have it in me on my own.

I am not super excited about going through recovery and I am somewhat frustrated already that I haven't seen immediate results, but Dave preached a point in his sermon the other day that gave me some encouragement. He talked about how change doesn't happen overnight, it is a process and has to be worked towards, and God will deal with it appropriately in His timing.

I am at a point right no were I feel alone and see just how depraved I am and how much I truly need Jesus to satisfy me. I know that no one relationship will cure me, but I do see and recognize that we are wired for intimate relationships and still long to be married one day, but at the same time see that if I can't be content with God right now in the state I am, I never will be.